Book Review: The Subtle Art of Not Giving Fuck by Mark Manson

The popular American Blogger Mark Manson has published this book called “the subtle art of not giving a fuck” in 2016. This author, who influenced a lot of people- changing the way they feel about life and about themselves. In this book, the author challenges the motivational speakers who always try to numb the pain that people are going through.

Manson has blamed the motivational speakers on always showing people only about their loopholes and what they are missing in life. His popular joke triggers many questions on the genuineness of motivational speakers. So-called life coaches always tell people to go to the mirror, stare and tell themselves “you are beautiful, you are rich, you can do everything” However, Manson raised a wonderful question, he said “If a person is truly handsome/beautiful, do they need to go to the mirror and tell themselves that they are handsome? If a person is rich, do they need to go to the mirror and tell themselves that they are rich? The answer is simply no. so he said instead of going to the mirror and soothing yourself about fake confessions, you better accept your shortcomings and learn to live with your shit.

In the book, Mark Manson has linked the unhappiness with commercial TV ads, he said the new products always trigger people to buy things they don’t need and that forces them to take loans, work hard and get stressed for stuff they don’t need. He also linked the unhappiness with the social media where people practice hey-look-my-life-is-cooler-than-yours. On social media most people talk about their happiness, post cool photos, achievements and etc. so if a stressed one comes to social media and sees how everyone else is happy except them, they will feel more depressed and sad.

The author suggests people not give fuck more, he says the more you give a fuck the more you suffer, every person can reduce the number of things that stresses them. Usually, the people especially this generation has a short time to live and that is why it’s important not to waste it in stress and depression.

Uncertainties are part of life, no one has a clear idea of what to focus on, but they do something anyway. The people you are seeing today successful didn’t plan and didn’t know it as well, they just did what they see as right and end up there, others did what they thought is right and end up in the opposite, it is just as simple as that.

He pointed out that problems and stresses are necessary and inevitable, he said you can’t be happy unless you take action, and you can’t take action until you see the bitter part of it. Sometimes even the problems come from where we try to find happiness, for example we struggle with our marriages, food, relationships, education, the houses we buy and etc. so he suggested for us to accept the pain and learn to live with it without complaints.

It is clear that running from pain is not possible, he said all people want to succeed in their paths but no one wants to go through the sufferings and countless sleepless nights that success demands. The author said you can’t enjoy the love, marriage and dating life until you experience the heartbreak, staring in a phone that never rings and all the bad experiences that it brings.

Reading this book made me realize that what we call personal problems are not really personal problems. If you are having illness, stress, marriage problems and went out of work, then everyone else got it too. So, it is not personal it is a general problem, we should all understand that suffering is part of human evolution.

A lot of people measure their success by comparing it with others, you will never be happy if you do that when your competitor has $1 Billion net worth, and you measure your happiness to have $1 billion, even after you got $.9 billion still you will not be happy not because you have less money but because you have less money than your competitor.

Good lesson learned from the book: don’t try to be happy all the time, don’t forget pleasure is the easiest thing to gain and the easiest thing to lose. We all learn our most valuable lessons from our worst moments. Even when we are going through emotional sadness we develop emotional strength. Don’t try to be certain of everything, don’t try to know whether you will get a job or not, whether you will be successful or not or whether you will be promoted or not, no one knows about it. Learn to live with uncertainties, it is normal.

Many people afraid to apply for jobs because they don’t want to lose their current identity as a secretary in ABC Company, many people don’t want to move to another city because they don’t want to lose their current identity as a gentleman or elder in x city. They always afraid to make the change, because they might suffer to come to their current status.

Many people are stressed because they fear to say no to the people, Mark says that saying no is not a problem, it is just a way to show that you prefer something over something else, for example, you prefer to stay at home over to go to a party. But some people try to make happy their spouses or parents but the truth is that no one is responsible for another person’s happiness or unhappiness, if you think you are the reason for your spouse’s happiness or unhappiness you are not in a relationship but in trouble. Similarly don’t also expect another person to make you happy.

It is also noticed that having more choices and opportunities cause stress, have you ever got two job offers in one time, have you ever got a scholarship and a job offer at one time, or have you ever crushed on 3+ girls and couldn’t know which one to have a relationship with and marry. If you are given the option to live in four different countries or you choose between 3 job locations, you will realize how stressful it is to choose among many opportunities. The author said there are experiences that you can achieve only when you stay and work in one place.

A lot of people are afraid to live, they don’t live in their lives, because they stress about jobs, other people’s views about them, their health and everything. The author concluded that the world only appreciates to the extraordinary people and that forced many people to give themselves big titles like an entrepreneur, author, activist and etc. besides the fact that they are ordinary people.

What a great book, highly recommend to anyone who is interested to know more about the golden rule of Not-giving-a fuck- about anything. Enjoy reading!